


Crossing the Rubicon

by Twilight2000



Category: Forever Knight
Genre: F/M, Follows "Be My Valentine", Forever Knight - Freeform, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-11
Updated: 2010-07-11
Packaged: 2017-10-10 12:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/99737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twilight2000/pseuds/Twilight2000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After "Be My Valentine" the story needed finishing.  Nat didn't really forget - and Nick knew it.  Nat goes to Janette to discover more about what might be. This was my first fanfic.  It's 8000 words long. Enjoy.  NOTE: This is the original upload as it was originally written.  There's a later update that changes very little (some 40 words), but I wanted to preserve the original here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crossing the Rubicon

Nicholas went home.  It had been a long night.  He had almost lost Natalie.  Gods, could LaCroix touch *nothing* without ruining it?

 

He loved her.  More that LaCroix could ever have loved Fleur.  He’d known Fleur for what?  A day?  Nick had known Natalie for 2 years.  He had seen her good days and her bad.  She had forged a link between them that had finally become something more.  He couldn’t ignore that; he couldn’t turn away from that.  He couldn’t let LaCroix’s twisted interpretation of “fair” destroy that.  But could he protect her from him?

 

“I must work out a way to protect Nat.  But I can’t give her up.  She is too much a part of me.”

 

He pulled into his garage and went up to the loft.  Here he could brood as long as wanted.  Not that that would help him – or Natalie – any.  He knew he needed her as much as she might need him.  He also knew he couldn’t bring her across.  It would change who and what she was far too fundamentally.  He knew that, didn’t he?

 

Maybe what he really needed was to speak with Janette.  She was always good tonic for his most confused moments.

 

It was daylight now.  He couldn’t easily get to the Raven and she would be sleeping now anyway.  Good thing it was winter and 4pm came early.  He would sleep and then he would speak with her.

 

**********

He didn’t dream often, but this time… He remembered LaCroix and Fleur again.  He remembered them differently though.  Not as they had been, but as they could have been.  LaCroix, the loving and attentive mate, Fleur the light of his life. Fleur and LaCroix through the ages; the 4 of them, not the 3 of them.  Fleur having joined LaCroix, Janette and Nicholas.

 

He woke, wondering if it could have been so.  Had he been wrong to deny LaCroix that love that had driven him for 800 yeast since?  Clearly, the love had been real.  Far more real than Nicholas had any idea it might have been.  Gods, could he have been wrong?  Or was it just the dream?  Could LaCroix really have been the loving or attentive mate?  Much less both?  Would he and Natalie be more like the LaCroix and Fleur in his dream or more like what he suspected that would be like when he convinced LaCroix to leave her?

 

Ach.  Too much thinking inside his own head.  He must speak with Janette.  Nicholas dressed, not paying a great deal of attention to his choices and headed out to the Raven.  He arrived at the Raven just after Jeanette awoke.  He walked in the club, and called for her.

 

“Janette?  It’s Nick.”

 

“Nicola?  You are early today.  Even for you.”  She appeared from behind the bar in a blood red gown with black lace.  Her dark hair upswept and long black lace gloves on her delicate hands.  She looked lovely.  He looked down and noticed that he matched her – black pants, black vest, and blood red shirt.  Interesting.

 

“Janette, I have to ask you something.  I…”

 

“Nicola, always so serious.  Come.  Sit.” She had come around the front of the bar and patted the stool nearest where she stood.  She was uncorking a bottle of what might look like red wine to the average patron.

 

Nick came over to the designated stool and sat.  “Jeanette, I have a problem and don’t know how to…”

 

He stopped as he noticed she had poured not one glass, but two.  She offered him one, “Would you like a glass, Nicola?”  How was it she always managed to say his name as if it were a caress?  Even after 600+ years, he sometimes felt as if she had never left his side.  But he had come for advice.  So advice he would have.

 

“No, thank you, Jeanette.  I have come to ask your advice.  I have come to love someone and find myself in need of protecting her.”

 

“Little Natalie?”

 

Nick looked around in a panic.  If LaCroix overheard…  On the other hand, if he couldn’t be honest with her, than how could she give him any real advice? “Janette, that is my problem.  LaCroix can’t know.  He will kill her if he suspects.  I was able to mislead him last night, but I do not know for how long I can keep him at bay.  What shall I do?”

 

Jeanette leaned back against the bar.  She looked at Nick and smiled.  She drank from her cup.  She licked her lips and smiled again.  “Nicola, keeping something from LaCroix is next to impossible, especially for us.  Why should he wish to kill her?  She will either be gone in such a short time he cannot even notice or you will bring her across, tying you even more to our kind and our ways.  What is there to kill for?”

 

If he hadn’t made that stupid, stupid agreement so long ago.  It seemed a small thing at the time.  He was newly brought over and never considered that he might love a mortal.  If saving his sister were the reward, than the price was well worth it.  Or so he had thought.

 

But had he saved her?  Or had he just been so terrified of losing what was left of his “normal” life that he chose for her, against her wishes and perhaps, just perhaps, against her good.  And how could LaCroix, who had suffered the pain of her loss for 800 years, ever forgive him?  How could he *not* take his revenge?

 

“Janette,” he said tiredly, “Do you remember Fleur?”

 

“Why yes, that was your sister’s name.  What has she to do…  Oh.  I wondered that he had tired of her so quickly.  That was a record even for LaCroix.  He didn’t exactly tire of her, did he?”

 

“Not exactly, no.”  What a stupid child he had been to agree to a forever debt repayment.  What *had* he been thinking?

 

“I convinced him that turning her to this life would destroy that which was good in her and it would be his loss.  He would no longer have the blushing rose that he had fallen in love with in the first place.  He believed I was right, as far as it went, but demanded retribution – a love for a love.  He demanded that if I ever fell in love with a mortal that he could do the same – that he could take her from me as I had taken Fleur from him.  And I … I agreed.”

 

“Oh dear.”

 

“That’s the understatement of this century.  I thought it the only way to save Fleur at the time.  I didn’t realize that I had gotten through and that he really didn’t want to bring her across anymore.  I had no idea the pain he was suffering – would suffer over the ensuing 800 years.  He really loved her and I had no idea.”  Nick looked away.  He was almost in tears over this memory.  Perhaps it was just retribution for what he had take from LaCroix.  If he felt even a fraction of this, of what he felt for Natalie, perhaps he could have loved Fleur forever.

 

“And now he wants to take your first mortal love from you.  To take Natalie if it is her; to wait for whoever it is, if she be not the one.  Oh, Nicola, you have made a devil’s pact, you have.  I do not know if there’s anyway out of this one, my dear boy.”

 

“There must be.  I cannot lose her and I cannot be without her.”

 

“Nicola, then there is only one other choice.  You must bring her across yourself.  That is the only true way to protect her.”

 

Ever the practical one, Janette. “You know I cannot do that.  You know I cannot take her humanity from her.  It is one of the things that makes her special.”

 

“I know you cannot fool LaCroix for long, Nicola.  So you must either give her up or bring her across to keep her safe from him.  But you knew all this before you came here tonight.  What do you think I can do for you?”

 

“I know that you speak the truth.  I knew what you now say was so when I woke today.  I also know that I cannot be the one who takes her humanity from her.  I must be the one she comes to love again after she has changed.  I came to ask for the greatest favor I can imagine, Janette.”

 

“Me?  I am flattered, Nicola.  You would trust me to bring your delicate flower across and to teach her the delicate ways of our modern kindred?”

 

“I may hate myself eternally for this, but yes, it is the only way I can see for her to be safe and for us to be together.  Would you?”

 

She thought about it for time.  Then, as if with fresh resolve, she said, “If she is willing, Nicola, and if she comes to me, then, I will bring her across.”

 

“I will always be grateful, no matter what I may say or think in the next few weeks or months.  I know I must sound a lunatic, but thank you, Janette.  Thank you.”

 

“Do not thank me yet, Nicola.  You must first broach the subject with her and then convince her to come to me, rather than you, for this to happen.  This will not come so easily as you think.”

 

“Believe me, I do not think it will come easily.  But you have given me a way out of this mess and for that, I thank you.

**********

He found himself driving home.  It was early yet; he had a few hours before going to the precinct.  Should he speak with Natalie now or later?

 

How was he to approach her?  What LaCroix had said, that he would rather see her dead than turned, was right.  But what he had asked Janette was also right.  That he couldn’t live without her was also true.  So was bringing her across a selfish act?  Augh, he couldn’t get all wrapped up inside his own head again.  He should just call Nat and ask her to come over before work so they could talk.  That was it.  Just dive right into it right now, while it was still fresh in his mind.  Before he could talk himself out of it.

 

He pulled into his garage, and went up to the loft.  He plopped down on the large black leather couch and threw one arm over his eyes.  Maybe he could will this feeling away.  That would make it so much easier.

 

The phone rang, startling Nick out of a 1/2 sleep-half dream.  He reached for the phone and mumbled into it.

 

“Nick here.”

 

“Nick?  It’s Nat.  Are you OK?”

 

“Yea, sure.  Why?”  He was sitting up rather more awake now.

 

“I just haven’t been able to get it out of my head.  That I completely lost a whole night and wanted to make sure you were ok, even if I wasn’t.”

 

Sitting up, Nick made a quick decision.  “I’m fine Nat.  Hey, can you come over for dinner and a chat?  I’ll even try to eat a little myself if you like.”

 

“Really?  I mean, sure.  I’d love that.  I’ll bring something over to make, I know your frig doesn’t hold any interesting goodies along those lines.”  You could hear the grin in her voice as she spoke.

 

“That’d be great Nat.  About 1/2 an hour?”

 

“1/2 an hour it is, sir.  I’ll be there with bells on!”  And with that, she hung up.

 

Nick sat up.  Good lord, in 30 minutes he would have to face Natalie and ask her if she wanted to live his life.  This is the woman who was working so hard to allow him to cross back over to join her.  Did she value her humanity or his company more?  Tonight, he would find out.

 

He paced like a caged animal for the next 15 minutes or so.  He went to the refrigerator; he opened it and stared at the bottles that held his life’s blood in them.  He reached, then pulled back his hand, than reached again.  Then he slammed the door shut and began to pace again.

 

This was insanity.  He couldn’t really be thinking about making this offer, could he?  He, who had spent the better part of his immorality was going to offer this curse to the one woman he loved above all?  It was that, or move on.  He could see no other way.  If he stayed, LaCroix would discover, sooner or later, that he loved her and then he would either rip her throat out or turn her against him as his own.  That meant either this or he would have to leave and never see her again.

 

That might be better.  Better for her.  Perhaps even better for him.  But he couldn’t bring himself to do that without first offering her the opportunity to make her own choice.  He had made Fleur’s choice for her.  LaCroix had made his choice for him.  For Janette, for that matter.  It was time for someone to get to make their own choice finally.  That, if nothing else he had told himself, that at least he could believe.

 

Time must have telescoped, because before he knew it, there was a knock on his door.

 

“Nick?  It’s me.  Hands full.” 

 

He reached to open the door to the loft, “Here, Nat.  Good to see you.”  Natalie had her hair back in a barrette as she often did when she worked.  Her long brown hair kept out of her face only by that clip.  She must have come straight from work from the way she was dressed.  He hoped the smile he had plastered on his face was convincing.  This was an impossible situation and it was not helped by the terrible rush in which it must be addressed.  It wouldn’t be long before LaCroix figured it all out.  Then there would be no saving Natalie.

 

Natalie looked at Nick as she set the bags down on the kitchen counter.  He seemed a little pale, even for him.  “Are you all right, Nick?  You didn’t sound great on the phone and you don’t look great now.”  She started to unpack the bags.  Long spaghetti noodles, a pound of ground beef, a jar of sauce, some broccoli.  Would this be the last meal she would try to feed him?

 

“Um, Nat. I’m a little off.  Last night threw me for a loop as well.”

 

 

He could give her nothing less.  To allow her to forget last night was as unfair to her as making him remember it alone.  Damn LaCroix!

 

“Last night was not quite the “great time” I suggested at the precinct, Natalie.  I couldn’t get into it there and figured a polite, public lie was better than odd whispers in front of the rest of the squad.

 

“Alright.  That’s fair.  So?”  She clearly was going to wait for his explanation as long as it took him to give it.  The fat was in the fire now.  She finished filling the pan with water, put it on the stove and fired it up.  Last meal for the condemned?

 

“What was the last thing you remember?”

 

“I was at work, I got a bunch of beautiful white roses with an invitation to dinner from “a gentleman from the 13th century”, I went home and changed and went to Azure’s for dinner.  The next thing I remember was waking up this morning.  So?  You ready to fill in the blanks for me?”

 

“I am.  Though I am not happy to do so.  I can only guess at the first part, as I was not there.  But it must have happened like this:  You arrived at Azure’s to find not me, but LaCroix.  A tall man, dressed all in black, with very short cropped blond hair.  He doesn’t look a great deal older than I, perhaps 10 years, though he is more than 1000 years my senior.  He likely welcomed you, introduced himself and invited you to “meet the family”.  Having met Janette and heard about LaCroix from me, you likely sat down to accept the implied challenge in his voice.  After that, I can only imagine that he engaged you in small talk while using his very clever, well-honed skills at mesmerization.  Unlike Janette, and myself, he can do so without it being apparent to either the intended target or those watching.  He is much, much subtler at that particular art than either of us.  During all this time, I had been looking for you.  I called your home and you were out.  I called the lab and you were out.  I finally went over to the lab and found the flowers and the card.  I knew it could only be LaCroix, so I flew as fast as I could to reach you before he could destroy you.”

 

“My god, Nick.”  She looked truly frightened now.  She should.  I could offer her little better than LaCroix had.  There was so little choice left now.

 

“I know, Nat.”  He reached for her hand.  She gave it willingly.  She still trusted him.  Was that a good thing?  He did not know anymore.

 

“I arrived just in time to stop him from either making you a meal or bringing you across.  I do not know which.  Either way, he was furious as I threw him half way across the restaurant and into the balcony, though not as mad as I was at that moment.  We might have fought then, but we spoke first.  I, furious that he had broken his promise to stay **out** of my life and the people in it, he furious that I had forgotten an older promise, one made 800 years ago, to save my sister from this curse.”  Oh, gods, this was going to be harder than he thought.

 

Natalie looked up into his face, trusting, even loving.  She really did love him.  Could he really do this to her?  He *must* give her the opportunity to make her own choices.  It was the only way he was still more human than LaCroix.  At least in this situation.

 

“Nick?  What promise did you make to him?”  She shivered as she asked, perhaps understanding a little of what this was costing him.  Perhaps guessing at what must come.

 

“He demanded retribution for my stealing his love.  For making him see that to bring her across was to ruin the very thing he loved so much in her, he demanded that same right of me.  That the first time I fell in love with a mortal, he would take her from me as I had taken Fleur from him.  I thought it the only way to protect Fleur and as new as I was could not imagine falling in love with a mortal ever again, so I agreed.”

 

Nick stood there, half-way in the kitchen, drained of all strength.  Natalie moved toward him, held herself against his chest and waited for him to wrap his arms around her.  She could not imagine what it must have cost him to tell her this.  To discover that his 800-year-old promise might cost her her life.  Or their love.  Clearly this love was real then, to both of them.  Of that she was now sure.  The only question left was what he proposed to do about it.  Clearly he had something in mind, though it seemed he wasn’t sure how she would receive it.  She realized his arms had become wrapped around her as she had pondered.  Odd that they should feel warm.

 

“Nick?”  She pulled her head back slightly, not wanting to break the moment, but wanting to help him tell her what he had in mind. “Nick?  What have you thought of to solve this situation?  I know you must have some solution to have called me over.  What is it?’

 

Nick looked down at Natalie, saw her smiling, trusting eyes looking back at him and found his cold, unfeeling heart almost tear in two.  This must have been what LaCroix felt for Fleur.  He had had *no*  right to take this from them.  He knew that now.  And he had no right to decide for Natalie either.  His resolve suddenly became certain.

 

“Natalie?  Come over here.” He guided her to the couch in front of the fireplace.  “I know that what I have left to offer isn’t what either of us would have chosen, but I don’t know how long LaCroix will be fooled by what I did last night.  He thinks, for now, that you are not the love of my life, and that is all that is keeping you breathing.  But if he should find out, he would consume you – either by making a meal of you or by turning you against me after he brought you across.  He is that strong and I would not have either of those outcomes be your fate.”

 

She looked at him, certain that she wasn’t going to like the options left open to them, but ready to stand with him if he would let her.  “So what are the choices that **are** left, Nick?”

 

“I do not think I can stand to stay here and pretend to be just your friend anymore.  I think that would surely kill me.  While I could give you a set of comfortable memories, I’m not sure that’s what you would like either.  So… Either I relocate and you never see me again or…” He looked away.  He felt ashamed that he had let it come to this and he didn’t want her to see his face.

 

Natalie reached up and turned his head back to face her.  “Nick, do you mean the only choice that keeps you in my life is to bring me across?  Is that what we’re left with?”

 

The pain that he felt as he confirmed her interpretation of his unfinished sentence was beyond anything he had imagined he could feel.  “I wanted to give you the chance to make your own choice.  So many people in my life have not been given that gift, it is important to me that you, at least, have that choice.  Would you rather I go away or would you rather join me in this damned eternity?”

 

Natalie stood up and walked toward the fireplace.  “Would LaCroix reall…” but she could see the answer in his eyes before she could finish the sentence.  “Yes, I guess he would.  I guess the man who didn’t die at Pompeii would hardly be bothered by taking out one more mortal.  Do I have any time to think about this at all or are we in immediate danger?”

 

“I do not know how long LaCroix will remain convinced that I do not love you the way I do, that I would sacrifice you.  We have that long, however long it may be.  There is more though.”

 

“More?  There’s more than what you’ve told me so far?  There’s a 2000 year old Vampire that wants to rip my throat out or use me as a weapon against the 800 year old Vampire that I’ve come to love and the only way to preserve both my life and any chance of our love is to Bring me Across to join you in your “damnation” – and it gets worse than that?  Oh, please Nick, I can’t wait for this part.  Tell me!”

 

She only got like that when she was really scared – or really hurt.  Nick suspected she must be both at this point.  There was no helping that now.  “Nat, I can’t bring you across.  I not only don’t trust myself as stretched thin as I am right now, I’ve not touched human blood in so long, the instincts might simply take over.  Janette has offered to help us in this regard though.  She has told me that if you come to her, if you ask her to bring you across, she will do so.  Not only that, but she will teach you what you must know in the beginning to survive.  I will not abandon you, but I will most likely be occupied with LaCroix and the fury he will have once he realizes that I have done what I once denied him.”

 

Natalie stood and paced a little.  Her arms were crossed and she had a deep frown as if she were pondering the meaning of life.  Likely she was.  What could he do to help her in this?  Perhaps, simply be there and let her think.  This was not a rational decision that most humans were ever asked to make.  Was this why most weren’t given the choice?  They would not have a basis for making such a choice?

 

Natalie turned and stopped pacing.  She looked at Nick as if for the first time.  She saw a strong face and will.  His blond hair, just a tad bit longer than fashion required, the vest that he always wore, not quite the current style.  Would she be like this in a few hundred years?  In the world but not of the world?  Just a little out of step?  Would it be worth it to be with Nick?  The alternative, plainly, was either to ask Nick to stay and pretend he didn’t love her while wiping her memory or for him to leave forever.  What a retched collection of choices.  To never see the sun or eat again?  Could she really do that to herself?  She understood his need to have Janette be the one that brought her across.  If she should come to hate her condition, she should not also hate him for bestowing it upon her.  She looked at him again.  His eyes slightly downcast to give her time to think, to give the privacy to make her own decision.  She wouldn’t be LaCroix’s.  That would be good.  At the last, she couldn’t imagine walking away and never loving him again.

 

“Nick?”

 

He lifted his head up, hope in his eyes.  Nick, the eternal optimist.  “Yes, Nat?”

 

“Let me talk to Janette later.  For now, let’s have dinner, ok?”

 

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  She would speak with Janette?  Did that mean that she was ready to join them?  “Um, sure Nat.  Dinner now is good.”  Or was she just stalling till she could up and disappear?  He hadn’t thought of that till just now, but that was a 4th option.  If she was gone and he didn’t follow her, LaCroix would have no reason to kill her.  Or make a weapon of her.  How long would he have to wait it find out?

 

Natalie went into the kitchen, put the noodles in the saucepan, unwrapped the hamburger, put it on a plate, put it in the microwave for 4 minutes, then put it in a frying pan to finish the job.  She was suddenly very busy and thoroughly engrossed in making dinner.  The noodles finished, she strained them and put them in a large bowl and replaced the water in the saucepan.  She added broccoli to the water and left it to boil.  She uncorked a bottle of red wine – wine she bought at the store to be certain it was wine.

 

Nick watched her go through all these very normal, human steps to making a very normal, human meal.  Did this calm her or was she seeing if she would miss things like this too much?

 

She brought down 2 plates and 2 wine glasses.  She took out two forks.  She opened a  cube of margarine to use the table.  She finally looked up at him.  “I’d have brought Garlic Bread, but knew that wasn’t one of your favorites.”  She gave a wan little smile.  She was trying, but no matter how much of a trooper Nat was, she was in the deep water without a life preserver now.

 

“That’s OK, Nat.  I’ll forgive you this time.” He knew his smile wasn’t much stronger.  It really did feel like the condemned’s last meal.

 

She finished up browning the meat, poured the jar of spaghetti sauce over it, added the noodles and took the broccoli off the burner.  Draining that as well, she added some butter to the pan of broccoli, She put an equal portion of spaghetti and broccoli on both plates, brought the pates out to the dining table and motioned for Nick to sit.  She went back to get the wine and glasses and returned to join Nick.

 

“So, this is to be my last meal then?”

 

“I suppose so, Natalie.”

 

“Glad I like spaghetti!”  The false bravado in her voice left him cold.  Perhaps he should just go away.  Perhaps it would be better for her.  Wasn’t that what love was really about?  Sacrifice?

 

Almost as if she read his thoughts, she looked up from pouring the wine into the glasses, “Don’t you even *think* of running off and leaving me to mourn and heal!  Or worse, to forget!  You will stay here and see this through mister.”

 

“Of course, Natalie.  Of course.”  He tried one small floret of broccoli and realized that he was not going to be able to hold down any food tonight.  It appeared the stress made him even more intolerant of food than he usually was.  He could, at least, drink the wine.

 

“Mmm, this is quite good, Natalie.”

 

“Well, at least you’re drinking what I’m drinking, even if you can’t eat what I eat.  Thanks for trying, Nick.”

 

“You are welcome, Nat.  With all my heart.”  With that, he reached across the table and took her hand in his.  He held it gently and watched her eat with the other hand.  “Nat?”

 

“Yes, Nick?”

 

“Thank you for even thinking of this.  I know what this must cost you and I want to thank you for even considering this option.”

 

She looked up and smiled at him.

 

They finished their meal in companionable silence.  He drank as she ate and drank.  They held hands and then let go and then held hands again.  When the meal was done, Nick cleared the plates and took them to the sink.  He rinsed them as Natalie sat and finished a glass of wine.  It was all oddly familiar and domestic and strangely comfortable.  He wondered at what her decision would be.  He wondered at what *his* decision would be if the situation were reversed.

 

“So, Nat.  Ready for work?”

 

“Huh? Oh, sure.  I suppose I drank a little more wine than I usually do before a shift.”  She smiled, almost embarrassedly.  Not that she didn’t have good reason to drink tonight.

 

He moved back to her side, “I’ll take you in, Nat.  The wine doesn’t affect me, except as its taste reminds me of you.” He spoke softly now, only for her to hear.

 

“Nick… thank you for letting me make my own decision.  I know it couldn’t have been easy, but it means a lot to me.  I will speak with Janette later tonight.  I… “ she started to turn away.  He couldn’t bear it any longer.

 

“Natalie?” Softly, almost a whisper.

 

She turned back to him, “Nick?”

 

He gathered her up in his arms and gave her one kiss.  She responded as he could only hope.  For one moment, they weren’t Vampire and Human.  They were just Nicholas and Natalie and they were in love.  Perhaps the only moment, perhaps the beginning of many.  He would know by night’s end.

 

He released her.  She smiled at him, he at her.  He walked across the room to get his keys and coat.  She retrieved her coat from the back of her chair.  They walked out of the loft close, but not touching. 

 

**********

This night, predictably, would last forever.  Nothing was happening, it was possibly the deadest shift he’d ever had with Schanke.  He looked at his watch to find less than an hour had passed.  It was unusual to find time so elusive in his experience.  He had listened to Schanke bemoan the “shift that would not end’ more times than even he could count, but he’d never experienced it before.  It was sheer torture.

 

Natalie, on the other hand, was watching it fly by far too fasts.  “The subject was brought in with several…”  She turned off the recorder.  She couldn’t even finish a decent sentence in her current condition.  Who could blame her?  It wasn’t every day one had this sort of decision to make.

 

Mondays were her slow days.  “Sundays starts the week, so there’s all that paperwork to catch up on.  But Mondays are always slow.  No paperwork, very few stiffs.  The one night I want to skate out for a long lunch, the place is hopping?  What’s up with that?”

 

She looked at the clock, it was already 10:30pm.  Lunch usually came around midnight, and she would have to take off then.  She’d just finish with this post mortem, be able to delegate the rest to her assistants and get out in time to go speak to Janette at the Raven.

 

Going across.  Becoming like Nick.  What would that be like?  Watching the world around her change and grow while she… what?  Nick had certainly changed over the 800 years he’d been in this state.  He’d certainly grown, if at a somewhat slower rate than the average human.  So how much different *was* his existence?  Tonight she would speak with Janette.  Tonight, she would have to make that decision.  To join them or to let him leave forever.

 

“Could I really do that?  Really let him leave and never see him again?  Good, Na,   talking to yourself.  At this rate, you’ll be losing arguments to yourself next.”

 

Time continued to fly, and suddenly it was pushing midnight.  Nat checked out with Grace and let her know she’d likely be back a little later than usual.  A couple of errands, she told her.  Good heavens, would she even be able to come back to work tonight?  Not if she let Janette take her across tonight, from what she knew.  Oh well, she could ask Janette to call Grace if it came to that.

 

She went outside, fumbling with her keys and trying to open the car door.  She was so nervous she wasn’t sure she’d be safe driving.  Good thing it was a short drive to The Raven.  She parked in back.  Not the safest choice, but as she might be here for an extended stay, it would be safer than out front where they would start towing at daylight.

 

She walked around to the front of the club.  She wanted to enter through the front door, thought she couldn’t say why.  Hell, she couldn’t even say why she was here.  She really didn’t know what she wanted from Janette yet.  Time to find out.

 

She opened the door and let the noise of the club wash over her.  As her eyes adjusted, she looked around and saw the usual group of attendees.  Some like her, some like “them”.  She walked down the stairs, heading for the bar where she knew Janette would be.  As she crossed the dance floor, a few of the men smiled and noticed her.  She returned the smiles, but kept moving.  She spotted Janette at her usual table, over near the bar.  Suddenly, she had butterflies in her stomach.  She noticed she was cold too.  Good trick in this place, with all these people putting out all this energy.  Hoo boy.  Cold feet?  Maybe.  Wouldn’t be inappropriate.

 

“Janette?”

 

“Janette looked up and smiled.  “Good evening, Natalie, dear.  I had wondered if I might enjoy your company this evening.  Please, join me.”  She flagged a waiter and signaled him. Natalie sat down, a little nervous with her back to most of the house, but she was nervous enough that she didn’t really notice it so much.  The waiter returned with a glass of (she hoped) red wine.

 

“Thanks, Janette.”  She looked at the glass, picked it up, swirled it, was satisfied at it’s viscosity, and sipped.  Hmm. Not only wine, but good wine.  Not that *that* should surprise her.

 

“Checking, cherie?  I wouldn’t offer you that which you could not take in.  You should know that before we start.”  She smiled, leaned back and waited.  It was to be Natalie’s lead.  Natalie would have to bring the subject up.  Nick had told her that was Janette’s deal.  It had to be Natalie’s choice, all the way.

 

“So, I guess I’m here to ask a lot of questions.”

 

“You are welcome to, Natalie.  It is exceptionally rare that any one of us has any idea what is happening before it happens.  You should ask all the questions that none of us had time to.”  She sipped.  OK, Nat knew the nuts and bolts.  She didn’t have to indulge in human blood at both Janette and LaCroix did, she could drink cow’s or any other animal’s blood.  She knew how to deal with daylight and about staying out of the direct sun.  The things she really wanted to know were more personal, maybe more spiritual.

 

“If I come across, how long before I will be able to function in normal society again?”

 

“That varies, ma cherie.  But it’s likely to be at least a week or two before you want to be near a murder scene again.  You will need to be able to control your need for sustenance and that can take some time.  Being around humans with heightened adrenaline will be dangerous for them in the beginning.  In fact, If you make this choice, I will keep you here for at least the first 3 days to make sure you don’t go off on some rampage.”

 

“My brother.  He was brought across but was never able to come to the level of, um, polite behaviour, that you and Nick seem to comport yourselves with.  Why?”

 

“Your brother was on a mission and there simply wasn’t time to teach him correctly.  Nick would not be a good task master for one who needed harsh discipline and your brother would not be controlled.  I do not think it is a familial failing, if that is what you are asking.  You have been around us for 2 years and understand, well and good, what you are undertaking.  That knowledge will feed your behaviour in ways your brother could not enjoy.  That said,” she smiled one of those enigmatic smiles she was so good at, “No one can guarantee what another’s coming across will be like.”

 

“No.  Of course.  I wouldn’t ask that.  I’m just looking to understand what I will be giving up and what I will be gaining as I make this kind of choice.  I mean, there *is* no going back, right?”  Big slug of wine.  OK, this was just getting freaky.

Janette nodded.  “Not from this particular choice, no, not as far as we know.”  She seemed to find amusement in that thought.

 

“So tell me about the spiritual side of this.  Are you damned?  Do you know?  Is it possible to be a “good” Vampire?”

 

“Now there are the interesting questions that most of us never even ask ourselves.  Damned?  Perhaps, but so are many humans.  We cannot know more than you do if we are damned, we have no closer connection to the infinite than you do, but we have a longer view, so perhaps see it differently.  “Good” Vampire?  Is Nick?  Am I?  Those are your examples.  Those are your models, if you will.  So what do you think?  Are we good?”

 

“This isn’t going to be easy is it?”

 

“No, ma cher, it isn’t.  Though nothing this big ever is, I’m told.”

 

The two of them continued to speak of the differences between Vampires and Humans.  Of the difference between Good and Bad Vampires, of the questions of afterlives and how Humans and Vampires view them differently.  They spoke far into the night, drank much wine and other liquids, bonded after a fashion.  As dawn approached, Natalie knew she must make a decision.  She would not be safe for many more days and Janette would need to sleep in a couple of hours.

 

“Sunrise comes at 7:15 this morning.  It’s already 5:30.  Janette, if I do this, what should our next step be?”

 

“You simply ask me to bring you across.  After that, it’s all in my hands, Natalie.  I sense that after all this talk, even with all Nicola means to you, you are still reticent.  Nicola has told you, I think, what your choices are?”

 

“Yes – it is this, or he must leave and begin anew elsewhere.  I don’t know that I can live with either, Janette.  I really don’t.”

 

Janette looked at Natalie.  She really wasn’t ready to make this choice.  No one ever really was, but most didn’t have to go through this sort of agonizing process.  For most, there was no choice.  Perhaps that was the better way after all.  So.  Was there a third choice?  Could Nicola live with what she was about to offer Natalie?  Perhaps, if she made this offer and Natalie accepted it, Nicola would finally be over this ridiculous infatuation with his humans.

 

“Natalie, there might be a third option.”

 

“Third?  One that Nick would be able to live with as well?  Tell me Janette, I have to know.”

 

“I can help you to forget a little of this.” Natalie started to say something, but Janette forged on.  “Not to forget to Nicola, that would not be possible.  He is too wound into your life.  Not even to forget that you have feelings for him.  But to forget that he admitted his?  To forget that he offered you the chance to cross over?  Those I could help you forget, with your cooperation.  I could take you back to a few days ago, before he told you he loved you, when these feelings were still unsure, or at least unspoken, between you.  That would keep you safe if Nicola could manage to go on, knowing what he knows, keeping you as a friend.  I think I could talk Nicola into that.  Would you like that?”

 

“Janette, you must think me an awful coward.”  She looked down, a little embarrassed.

 

“I think you human, Natalie.  That is not a bad thing, it is simply a thing.  I think no one wishes to fundamentally change what they are if they can avoid doing so.  I think you were very brave to come this far.  Believe me, I understand wanting to stay as you are.”  She had a very far away look in her eyes.  Nat wondered what she was remembering.

 

“Let me call Nicola and speak to him, cherie.  If you wish something more to drink, the bar is open to you.  There is even water back there.” She smiled at some joke that Natalie would now never understand.  She had made her decision, to stay human.  It was clear to Janette long before it had been clear to Natalie.  She hoped Nick could forgive her.  Could still be her friend.  She really didn’t want to lose him from her life.

 

Natalie went to the bar for a glass of water.  She could see the beginning of false dawn now, it would only be another hour or so before sunrise.  Would she wake tonight to see Nicholas or would he leave?  She honestly didn’t know.  She hoped he would stay.

 

Janette came back from her office, looking a little like she’d gone 3 rounds with Dempsey.  “He is not happy with me, cherie.  He seemed to think I had talked you out of it.  When I made it clear that this was *your* choice, he accepted it.  I think he will still be here when you wake up this evening, but I cannot make that guarantee.  Do you still wish to proceed with this third option?”

 

Natalie looked down, then up in to Janette’s eyes.  She knew she still might ask Nick to bring her across one day, but not today.  She wasn’t ready.  “Yes, I’m ready, Janette.  Thank you for giving me the choice rather than making it for me.”

 

“That is one of the things that Nicola and I agree upon.  It should always be your choice, if it is within our power to make it so.  Now, please, let us retire to one of the rooms in back where you can be comfortable and relax and we can work.”

 

**********

 

Natalie woke up in the late afternoon, a little groggy and unsure of where she was.  She looked at her watch, it was only 3pm.  She looked around her, and was confused.  She was still in her clothing from last night and she appeared to be in someone’s very velvet boudoir.  Where the hell?

 

Then she remembered.  She was in the back at The Raven.  She had come to speak with Janette about Nicholas.  She was worried about him lately and knew that the other woman had known him for so much longer she might be able to give her an idea about how to settle him.  How to bring him back to his happy self.

 

She must have drowsed off after their chat.  Too tired to drive home safely, Janette must have offered her a bed back here.  Perfectly safe as long as she left before dinner.

 

She got up, grabbed her purse, and headed out the back door.  Her car was right there, right where she left it.  She opened the door, stopped, looked back at The Raven.  Janette was a good woman.  She ought to find a way to thank her for helping her understand Nick better.  Was there something else?  No, she shook her head.  Time to get home, shower and change and see if Nick were up for a bite – er, a bit of food today.  He was progressing so well.

 

**********

 

 

She dropped by Nick’s as usual.  “Knock Knock” she said as she opened the door to the loft.  It was almost 5 and the sun was down on this winter day.  Nick would be awake.  She walked in and saw Nick, standing there, in his brown pants and vest over a very attractive cream shirt with bloused sleeves.  His hair just a little longer than was strictly stylish currently.  That was one of the many appealing things about him.

 

He stood by his table, looking at the woman he was willing to live for.  Would they ever know love the way he so desperately wished for?  Her memory was clear.  For her, the last 3 days had never happened.  Not the part about him anyway.  The words were all still unspoken, that was what Janette had promised.  What he had finally agreed to when Janette had called.  He couldn’t leave.  He couldn’t bring her across.  He would simply have to bear it until… if ever… 

 

“Hello Natalie.  Come to see if your experiment was working?”

 

“Yea, that’s right, Nick.  Only reason I come over is to check on the Petrie dish.”  She grinned.  This kind of patter was comfortable between them.  Would it ever by more, she wondered?  If she succeeded in bringing him across, in curing his curse, than maybe.  She could hope.

 

Natalie walked over to Nick, took his hand so she could feel his pulse and Nick looked down at her.  God he loved her.  Would he *ever* be able to tell her?  Someday.  If one or the other of them made it across.  Maybe then.  Sometimes immortality sucked.

 

8000 words


End file.
